Sarah Connor (
knowthyexits) wrote2011-05-26 09:00 am
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[Cal]
Judgment Day has come and passed and the sky still holds, not lit with fire, and every human being remains free. It brings Sarah a kind of relief in that she knows that the fight is continuing at home and maybe, just maybe, it means they've succeeded. It also means that Sarah has nothing left to fight here unless something shows up.
Correction -- she has nothing to fight but the disease inside her body, threatening to take her apart and render her weak. Ellie is gone, now so is George. It's been weeks since she's seen anyone and she's been starting to feel dizzy and weak. Her appetite is gone, she can't sleep, and she spends most of her time feeling like she's weak. She knows that she should see someone, but her trust has already been eroded by two disappearances.
She doesn't even want to consider a third.
Still, it's one of those days where even she and her stubbornness can't make it to the Winchester. She hopes that Neil doesn't mind too much, but she's confined to bed, staring at the ceiling as her thoughts turn to home and John. Her John, her baby boy. He must have stopped the end days from coming or at least pushed it off. No matter what's happened, she knows that she can be proud. Even if she won't be around to see the majority of the battle, she knows he's ready.
She lets out a small sound of effort as she sits up, hand to her forehead, and thinks about trying for some food. It's been a full day since she's even attempted, but she hasn't been anywhere near hungry enough. Maybe it's a symptom -- maybe she'd know if she would only see someone, but her stubbornness prevents her from taking on anyone new.
Correction -- she has nothing to fight but the disease inside her body, threatening to take her apart and render her weak. Ellie is gone, now so is George. It's been weeks since she's seen anyone and she's been starting to feel dizzy and weak. Her appetite is gone, she can't sleep, and she spends most of her time feeling like she's weak. She knows that she should see someone, but her trust has already been eroded by two disappearances.
She doesn't even want to consider a third.
Still, it's one of those days where even she and her stubbornness can't make it to the Winchester. She hopes that Neil doesn't mind too much, but she's confined to bed, staring at the ceiling as her thoughts turn to home and John. Her John, her baby boy. He must have stopped the end days from coming or at least pushed it off. No matter what's happened, she knows that she can be proud. Even if she won't be around to see the majority of the battle, she knows he's ready.
She lets out a small sound of effort as she sits up, hand to her forehead, and thinks about trying for some food. It's been a full day since she's even attempted, but she hasn't been anywhere near hungry enough. Maybe it's a symptom -- maybe she'd know if she would only see someone, but her stubbornness prevents her from taking on anyone new.
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She hadn't been at work, and things hadn't been right with her for awhile. I'm not talking about the cancer, now, I'm talking about in the head. It was easy enough to see that she was thinking about just giving up, and that was something I just did not get. Not from Sarah.
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She leans heavily on the door as she opens it, summoning up enough energy to scowl at Cal. "What?" she demands.
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"That's it, we're going to the clinic." With as much as I fucking hated doctors, I sure seemed to be carrying Sarah to see them a lot.
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"I'm tired, I'm just tired, Cal, I'm tired. It's been seventeen years," she murmurs, tipping her head to the side to speak past locks of hair caught between her lips and his warm skin. "Do you know what it's like to fight and lose for seventeen years only to be handed a new fight? One that you can't beat?"
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Biting back a curse, I carried her over to a downed log that had been pushed just off the main pathway and sat down, settling her in my lap so that I could slide my arm from beneath her knees and push back her hair. "Yes," I said, a warm murmur against her temple. "I do." My whole fucking life I'd been fighting, even when beating my own nature was an impossibility. Stopping simply wasn't an option.
"Look at me," I said, leaning back enough that I could splay my hand across her jaw and tip her head back. "I know this is hard. I know you're tired. I know." I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. "But I fucking love you, and I'm not going to let you just give in to this. We'll do it together if we have to, but I'm not going to watch you let this thing beat you. Understand?"
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She takes in a deep breath, forces herself to calm down, and that's when she realizes what he's said. "I love you too, Cal," she says, the words so seemingly simple, but coming from her it's like she's had to dredge them out from under ten tonnes of rock. "But I don't trust lightly. I know you know about that. I don't want just anyone treating me with this," she says again.
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"I'll find someone, I will," she insists stubbornly, brushing two fingers lightly through his hair again and again. "Okay?"
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My eyes fell closed a moment and then turned back to Sarah. I still don't know how the fuck she snuck in, but she definitely had. Hand against her neck, I leaned in and pressed my mouth to hers. I knew better, but I'd never been very good at impulse control.
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And then when she realizes what she's doing, she backs away, but doesn't stumble her way out of his lap -- not yet. "Cal," she says quietly, licking her lips. "What are you doing?"
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"Fuck, I don't know," I replied, looking anywhere but at Sarah and doing my damnedest to ignore the way my treacherous body was clamoring for more. It had been a long time since I'd been laid.
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She extends a hand out to him, like he's the one who needs coaxing and not her.
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I ignored the hand and stood on my own in one quick, smooth motion. "Good plan," I said, and nodded her onward as I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans.