After the Attack

[knowthyexits]

Sarah's refused to get a cast on her wrist, settling for a wrap. It hurts, but she's used to pain. It's almost refreshing that this is something that will fade in time, but the attack has reminded her of her own mortality and the danger she can pose to others. Maybe, maybe it's better if she tells them about it upfront and lets them make their own choices. There's no fate but what they make, and who is she to tell them what they can and can't do.

She has to decide, as well, when the chemo should begin. It's a decision she's been putting off, but it's one that needs to be pushed forward if she wants it to have an effect. She's trying not to think about any of this as she combs through the bookshelf for something mindless to read. Maybe a mystery novel or even a smutty romance book that she can tuck under her pillow in the mornings. Anything will do until she's well enough to get back to waiting on tables.

Comments

[1struleiscardio.livejournal.com]

"The Hub's pretty close?" I say, pushing one hand back over my hair. "Uh...if you can walk there. We could go. That would...be nice. Really nice."

[knowthyexits]

"I definitely need the drink," she admits, watching him carefully as she takes the first step in that direction. She doesn't fault him for not being there. In fact, she's grateful for it. She just doesn't know how to say it again and have him understand. "How's your friend? Wichita?"

[1struleiscardio.livejournal.com]

"Uh...more than a friend, actually," I say, and I can't keep the stupid fucking grin of my face when I say it. "For a while, now, actually."

[knowthyexits]

It's actually surprising how delighted she instantly feels on his behalf. Her own life might be a mess, but it's almost good to know that someone in her close proximity is still experiencing happiness. It's a refreshing change from the usual death-cloud that follows her. "Really?" she teases. "And are you two happy?"

[1struleiscardio.livejournal.com]

"Pretty much the happiest I've ever been in my entire life," I say, and it's pretty much true. "That's sad, isn't it? That my entire happiness depends on one person? That's...really messed up."

I'm not even sure that I care.

[knowthyexits]

"No," she says, a bit sad herself, because her happiness had always been tied to John for as long as she could remember. "No, it's not. To me, it just means that the person is incredibly special to you. I have someone like that back home." She's become aware of the fact that she has to accept that he's not going to come here -- as much as she wishes otherwise.

[1struleiscardio.livejournal.com]

"Well. I hope you find someone here, Sarah. Really."

And that's when a normal person would have, like, put his arm around her shoulders or something, but that's not me. I just...can't.

So I just walked.

[knowthyexits]

"No one can replace John," she insisted, firm and possibly sharper than she needs to be. She blames it on her inability to read normal behaviour, but also on her love and adoration of John. No one could replace him. "Romantically...I gave up on that years ago."

[1struleiscardio.livejournal.com]

I hate feeling like I've said the wrong thing. I mean, I spend most of my life feeling like I've said the wrong thing but I really hate it when I really clearly have.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I just...you know. Want you to be happy."

[knowthyexits]

"I'm happy," she says, but then pauses because she doesn't want to lie -- not to Columbus. "I'm happy, enough," she amends her statement, giving him an almost-saddened smile. "Considering the things I've gone through, happy-enough is something I'll definitely take."